Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Four Reasons To Thank God That Mehr Bokhari is Gone

I accept that there are some things blog writers just cannot do. I cannot get my internet provider to give me free hours, I cannot get my friends and family to really love me, I cannot get my kids to respect me, and I cannot ever get people to pay me a lot of money not for doing any work but just for existing, unlike Shahid Masood and Hina Rabbani Khar.

I can however point to you the various ways our lives are so much better off without Mehr Bokhari, so lets begin.

1. The LIVES!!

Now that The Grim Reaper's little friend is out of the picture, certain people get a chance to LIVE! People like Sherry Rehman, Asma Jahangir, you, me, everybody whose only crime was to voice an opinion against the blasphemy law, or  just breathing, can rest easy that they will get to live another day. 

Or, live to be molested another day
      That is, till some mullah decides that he's Sultan Rahi and pumps one bazillion bullets into them.See, even though Meher is gone, society's still crazy.

Mumtaz Qadri, with a snake.



Conversations overheard while NEWSBEAT was on air:

                                           Father: Son, who is the hot chick in Jeetendra's jacket?
                                           Son: What hot chick? And who the fuck is Jeetendra?

Who stole my jacket!!

                                          Daughter: Mom, dont you just love my hairband?
                                          Mom: Honey, aint never gonna the hairband come back 
                                          into fashion, no matter how many times that girl on TV wears it.

Got it from my grandma!

                                          Husband: Honey, do i finally have alzheimer's like you, or is that
                                          girl wearing black all the time?

But this is midnight black!

And this is sunshine black!

And this is ugly black!

And this is......oh shut up or i will claw your eyes out!

3. The SILENCE!!

Since Her Royal Highness Princess Screech-ra is gone from the airwaves, let us tell you a secret. That Russian plane that crashed in Karachi? It did not just explode because of malfunctioning instruments. See, somewhere down below, MQM was target killing a pathan by playing NEWSBEAT on high volume. This caused the plane's radio, 10000 feet above them, to just fail, and then, BOOM!!......look Igor, what lovely fireworks.

"Air control, come in, come in"
" mother fuckers"
Ok, that didn't happen. But it's believable, right?

And while i'm at it, might i suggest a safer way to fly.....

The fleas report a 100% safety rate


Word from Lollywood is that Nargis, Sana, Saima, Shaan, etc etc, all have found work again, now that Lollywood's sole dialogue writer is not writing for Mehr anymore. Take this line e.g. 

"Aap pehlay bhee aag ko thunda karnay kay liay fire engine bhaijtay rahay hain. Syaasi garmi ko thunda karnay kay liay aap kya karrain gay"

Who said it? While it seems like the line was uttered by a scantily clad Nargis trying to seduce a politician-garbed Shafqat Cheema before firing a shit load of bullets into his balls, no, this line was said by Mehr and to Gillani, no less. Way to talk to the Prime Minister. 

Maybe she could fill Anjuman's immortal boots now.